Haikus are like Dick Clark - They Never Get Old

Here are some haikus that I'm copying over from my old MySpace blog, which I no longer use. Why? Because fuck you, that's why.

patrick swayze's hands
are like handsome sandpaper
unchained melody

two four six eight, who
do we appreciate? me,
because i'm a jew.

some rednecks are real
assholes but some just want to
cook you fried chicken

oh noble mallards
you truly astonish me
with gruesome sex acts

i'd like to go to
the university of
porking your momma

writing haikus is
probably easier to
do in japanese

it seemed quite country
when michael spoke of his ex:
that bitch stole my dog

skeezos snips drew's locks
which fall on the parking lot
no more mullet, drew

mushrooms on pizza
three slices were in my fridge
so i ate them all

hot topic sucks ass.
evanescence hurts my brain.
dark spirits, piss off.

here's a haiku for
your momma. it's from a nice
jewish boy. boo ya.

why did she make miss
congeniality 2?
must need drug money

girls in too short skirts
were they attacked with scissors
or are they just hoes?

girlfriend in europe
no money to go get drunk
and my tummy hurts

gourmet fair food - yum
but i think what did me in
was the fried twinkie