DC is blowed up

So I woke up at 7:30 this morning to the sound of yelling, accompanied by screaming machinery and a thud so hard it shook the building several times. Because I'm a rational person, I made the logical assumption that we were under a terrorist attack. After all, no one would do any kind of roofing work or anything on a building at 7:30 in the morning without informing any of the residents that they might be woken up that morning at the ass crack of dawn by what sounds like the background to that track on the second Tool album with the screaming baby thing in it. Am I right?

No. I'm wrong. I'm absolutely fucking wrong. Jesus H. Christ, at least a terrorist attack would have been acceptable. Jihad I can deal with. America is mean. I get it. But roofers - roofers have no excuse. What did I do to them? More importantly, who asked them to come crack the ice off my fucking building without letting everyone who lives here know what's up? This is DC. It gets icy. I have a feeling the management knew this. Cause it's snowed here every year since... well... forever. So I bet they knew this would happen. How about a little notice, huh? George Bush is wrong. The terrorists don't hate our freedom. They hate our inconsiderate roofers and building managers. So do I. Infidels.

Lucy, you got some 'sploding to do!

Kirk Cameron saved my soul tonight

Kirk Cameron is not only the greatest actor in the history of all acting ever - EVER - but he's got God power.

Check it out.

My favorite part is when he narrates you through the Ten Commandments to see if you violated any of them. I'm 10 for 10, ever since I coveted my neighbor's ass (who he was married to), worshipped it on a Sunday, murdered my parents and then stole some shit and lied about it. If that doesn't cover everything, let me know. I'll work on it.

Confession: My head is abnormally small

What the hell? I'm flipping stations and Boogey Nights is on UPN. How the hell does that work? What do they do with the last 15 minutes of the movie? And what about the first hour and 45 minutes? I can't see it being more than a closeup of Burt Reynolds and Marky Mark's face followed by the credits.... and maybe that Asian guy throwing the fire crackers. Fire crackers are awesome.

So I went to this art gallery thing today where there was a Post Secret exhibition. I've decided to create my own Post Secret blog thing, but without secrets - real ones anyway. Should be fun.