50 Cent Does not care about black people

Only a few weeks after tearing into Kanye West's reputation like a redneck tears into squirrel meat - in part criticizing Kanye's lyrical gangsterness, and in part attacking West for his comments about Secretary General President Bush - Curtis Jackson, a.k.a. "50 Cent " (named for the monetary equivalent of the amount of crack rock he'd sell his mama for) is getting sued for ripping off a song by 2 Live Crew rap king Luther Campbell, who grew to fame by pointing out Miami's skankier side (that is, the 2/3 of Miami that no one was paying attention to).

This is just more evidence supporting the hypothesis of my upcoming law school dissertation, "Get Rich or Die Sucking it in a Denny's Parking Lot: The Legal Ramifications of the Fact that 50 Cent is a Stupid Bush-Loving Bitch."


50 Cent, taking a crap in a dark room. Afterwards, he will stare into the poop until he is in a trance, during which he will write another song about a blowjob, most of which will be sampled from Kanye West's "Gold Digger." Kanye will then sue 50 Cent, winning 94% of 50's bling. 50 will retreat to Helena, Montana, where he will become a cowboy. And by cowboy, I mean he will manually stimulate bulls and artificially inseminate female cows. The End . . . ?

Chronic Master Bakers

My professor has said "master baker" like 20 times this class. And it just keeps getting funnier. Damn!

God has a plan

So I'm sitting in class today with 120 other students NOT paying attention. Being a dumbass, I started to laugh out loud at something that was going on in the chat room. So I decided to close the windo and take a look at the news headlines to calm my laughter. This is (honest to God) what I saw:

UN warning over Turkey bird flu
S Korea strips Hwang of honours

and there was something else about "Greek probes"

Now, I've never been a religious man, but if there is a God, he wanted me to laugh out loud in the middle of an auditorium during a lecture. Praise Jeebus.

Also, here's a still from the new film "Snakes on a Plane." Seriously. That's the title.

Who does that????

So I managed to survive DC's 11 degree weather a couple weeks back - but I just came back from Miami with a fucking cold. La Carreta or not, Miami officially blows goats. Miami's shittiness aside, I'm standing in line at Safeway with a handful of groceries - just enough to get me through my cold - and the woman with $162.25 worth of shit ahead of me (I was watching when she paid - sue me) turns to the guy IN THE NEXT LINE OVER and asks if he wants to jump ahead of her, sunce her husband had to run and get some other stuff. He took like 5 minutes to pay. I had SIX ITEMS!!!!!!! Cerealjuicetissuescrackersmilkandsomethingelsebuticantrememberwhat. FUCK!!!! THEN, she proceeded to check out her bajillion dollars worth of pie and onions and crap while I stood there sniffling because I'M DYING from this damned cold. And the whole time, she was slowing the cashier down cause she was berating his ability to bag groceries. Who does that???? FUCK! Who???

Color me disgruntled.